Taco Bell Showdown!


Okay, maybe not a showdown, persay, but still awesome…

I went to Taco Bell today because I was hungry and wanted to try the new XXL Chalupa (for the record, it is fucking awesome).

Anyways, it was pretty busy. The store itself was pretty full (I was getting my food to go, though, so I wasn’t looking for a seat). Luckily, there was only one guy in front of me. There was a 6-person family in front of him, but they had already started ordering when I got in line. 4 other people got in line behind me, but I think they were the end of the lunch rush ’cause no one else showed up.

Anyways, the guy right in front of me could not have been more obviously Christian if he had been singing about it. The back of his shirt said “I love Jesus Christ” and he was reading a pamphlet about why evolution is a lie from Satan. Physically he just looked like the classic redneck Christian stereotype in the flesh… almost as if the stereotype was modeled on him. Indeed, as I found out when the “showdown” started, he even had that classic Christian redneck voice, and while he was speaking, it was impossible NOT to recognize that this guy was about as uneducated as they come.

I ignored him because, at this point, he was being quiet, minding his own business… until he got up to give his order…

Now, the only tell-tale sign that the cashier (likely a high school kid… or so he looked to me) was gay was a barely noticeable hint of that lisp (effeminate voice style?) that is rampant amongst gay stereotypes. He was not holding his wrists limp, he wasn’t standing like a woman or whatever… he didn’t even have one of those hair styles associated with the gay stereotype. I personally didn’t notice the “lisp” (I really don’t think that’s the proper term) until after he admitted he was gay.

But this Christian apparently noticed, because when the cashier asked him what he wanted, the guy flipped out:

“‘Scuse me, but’you gay?”

The cashier looked really confused and stuttered, then said “um… I mean… yeah, but… I don’t see what that…”

The Christian cut him off. “I’m gon’ need yew ta leave this here store so a good Christian can take maw order. Gawt that?”

The manager overheard this and walked over, and address the Christian. “I’m sorry, sir, but you’re going to have to leave. We make it a policy to not serve bigots.”

“Are yew discriminaten’ on me ’cause I’m a Christian?”

“No, sir, I am not. I am also a Christian.”

“And yew, a clamed Christian, hared ‘dis sawdomat?”

“I hired this man because he does his job extremely well and is a good employee.”

“But he’s a sawdomat!”

“You need to leave, now.”

“I ain’t leaven ’til Aw get maw here imegrant food from a good Christian!”

Finally I’d had enough and cut in. “If you’ll excuse me, sir, I’m in too much of a rush to deal with your bullshit, so since you’ve been kicked out, I’m going to be a good atheist and give my order to the nice gentleman [the cashier] over here. I would like the XXL chalupa meal, beef, and put baja sauce on the side taco. You can also go ahead and get something for yourself on my tab because no one should have to put up with such moronic idiocy.”

The 4 people behind me clapped, and the Christian screamed “yer all heathens!” and ran out like he was being chased by Satan.

Although the cashier did ring himself up an $0.89 taco (i was a bit insistent :D), thanks to the manager I ended up not paying for it. I also didn’t pay for the XXL chalupa or the baja sauce (which is, if I’m not mistaken, a $0.30 up-charge normally). I only had to pay for my side taco. I also only paid for a small drink even though I was given a large.

I never thought in my life I’d get to do something like that, but I did and it was AWESOME!

Anyways… I thought y’all would appreciate that… 😀

Also… yes, I LOVE Taco Bell. If you’re looking for American fast food badly pretending to be Mexican food, I can recommend no better place.

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About Nathan Hevenstone

I hate straight, white, cis-gendered, able-bodied men. I also play guitar and sing, and I'm an atheist and anti-theist. What now?
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