Chocolate Heven Cake


(See what I did there? Chocolate HEVEN cake? Cause… heh… my last name is HEVENstone…

No?

Oh…

Okay…

Carry on…)

How much do you love chocolate?

I hope chocolate is an obsession for you, because that’s required for this recipe. The cake I’m about to tell you how to make is beyond chocolate. It is another level.

These pictures are amateur, but still… look at this thing:

20150208_223718_Richtone(HDR)

Oh yeah. Chocolate porn right there, folks.

Wanna learn how to make it?

Of course you do.

But first, I have to credit my sources. You see, this insanely sinful chocolate cake is based on this incredible recipe I found called Fudge Mountain Cake. But Mom and I wanted to make this pareve, or dairy free. Now, Yammie does indeed have a dairy-free version of the recipe. The problem?

Coconut oil and milk.

I hate coconut anything with a passion. I find it gross, both the taste and the texture.

Sorry.

So we had to find another way to make this dairy free. And we did come up with a way, oh yes we did. Sadly, Dad dragged me to a movie (Jupiter Ascending… I don’t really recommend it unless you like your FX extravaganzas completely devoid of plot… though the acting wasn’t half bad… Mila Kunis is too good for these crap films, IMO), so I missed out on the making of this. Mom gets all the credit. But it won’t last long, and next time I’ll be making it… with Mom’s help.

But believe you me…

This cake is beyond incredible. Hella fudgy, hella chocolatey, hella rich… and so good your mind will cease to work while you’re eating it. Your being will be so filled with chocolate there’ll be nothing else for you. The chocolatey sweetness of this is insane.

And it is worth every single bite. I hope you indulge in this delight as much as we have.

Cake
1½ cups pareve sweet chocolate chips
6 large eggs
1 cup non-dairy no salt margarine
1 cup sugar
¼ cup strong coffee or brandy (we used coffee because we had no brandy… I think we’ll use brandy next time)
1 tbsp vanilla
¾ cup dark cocoa powder
1 tsp salt

1. Preheat the oven to 350°F. Grease a 9×12 pan with high sides and line with parchment paper.
2. Melt the butter and chocolate chips on the stove or in the microwave. SLOWLY! Don’t let it burn!
3. Beat the eggs and sugar together for about five minutes until doubled in volume.
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4. Sift in the cocoa and salt and beat until combined.
5. Add the coffee and vanilla and beat until combined.
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6. Stream in the chocolate/butter mix and beat until combined.
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7. Once it’s all combined, slowly pour into the pan and bake for about 25 minutes or until a toothpick comes out of the center clean.
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8. When it’s done, take the cake out of the oven, turn it out of the pan, and let cool.
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9. Once it’s cool, cut into thirds short-ways (so each third should be 4×9).

Mousse and Ganache
2½ cups pareve sweet chocolate (chips and/or bar)
1 cup Rich’s non-dairy whipping cream

1. Place chocolate and whipping cream in double-broiler, chocolate melter, or microwave-safe bowl. Add the cream. Melt, stirring constantly. If using your microwave, and you don’t have a chocolate-melting function, keep the microwave at 30% power and stir every 30 seconds or so.
2. Once the chocolate is melted, split it in half, using a separate small bowl. Beat one half with an electric beater until fluffy. Make sure you keep the other unused half in a room-temperature place to allow it to get thicker/less runny, but not hard.

We had more ganache than that. I swear.

We had more ganache than that. I swear.

Building the Cake
1. Take the first (left) slice of the cake. Spread half of the whipped chocolate filling on it. Place the middle slice on top of that.
2. Spread the other half of the whipped chocolate filling on the second slice. Place the third (right) slice on top of that. Make sure you have no holes around the edges between the layers. Make sure they are relatively even.

3. Now, take your ganache and slowly pour over the cake, using a spreader or spoon to spread around the top and sides of the cake, covering the entire cake (not including the bottom, obviously, which is resting on your surface).
20150208_222036_Richtone(HDR) 20150208_223345_Richtone(HDR)
4. Take your now ganached cake and if you throw it on the ground you will rot in a chocolateless hell! Do you want that? HMM?!? A CHOCOLATELESS HELL?!?!?!?!?

e21bbd24b1b5c10b21773a7d8ddf7e78

Didn’t think so...

Put it in the fridge.

I know… I know… you want to shove that thing down your throat RIGHT NOW. But don’t. Waiting only makes it sweeter. Leave it in the fridge overnight.

You should get about 12 slices out of this… 24 slices if you cut those in half. When you’re ready to serve, take it out a couple hours before. Make sure it’s a teeny tiny bit warm. Just warm enough to allow the ganache (which will be a hard candy shell) to melt enough to be easier to cut without becoming more frosting-like or even runny. Like… maybe 75°F or so… maybe even a bit cooler than that.

20150209_153427_Richtone(HDR)Homer Drool

Ready for the nutrition facts? Yes, I said nutrition facts.

With Coffee

With Coffee

With Brandy

With Brandy

 

I sincerely hope you enjoy this, because it’s completely worth it.

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About Nathan Hevenstone

I hate straight, white, cis-gendered, able-bodied men. I also play guitar and sing, and I'm an atheist and anti-theist. What now?
This entry was posted in Cooking, Food, Recipes and tagged , , , , , , . Bookmark the permalink.

6 Responses to Chocolate Heven Cake

  1. Tony says:

    Nate:
    1- What exists beyond chocolate?
    2- You are correct about coconut. It is an abomination. I’ll never forget the disgusting taste of my first piece of German Chocolate Cake. Even after scraping off all that coconut filled icing, there were still pieces left on the cake. I had one or two sadz.

  2. Heidi says:

    I took 2 important things from this post: 1: I must have this ridiculously rich cake of diabetic coma immediately, and 2: Brandy has surprisingly few calories.

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