There are a lot of guys out there for who this term, which is short for “involuntarily celibate”, is a nightmare situation.
I’ve already elucidated on this in the past, but it does describe me.
Yet I shy away… no… run away at the speed of light while shooting atomic bombs back at… this term and the stuff associated with it.
I get it, believe me. I get the frustration that goes along with “dry spells” and/or “no experience”.
But you know what makes this whole thing so revolting to me?
The men associated with it.
Here’s a documentary y’all should watch:
The first guy they introduce us to, Michael, is the owner of a forum they decide to highlight.
Then there’s the second guy they introduced us to? Erm… they use his forum name: Advanced (the forum is the forum owned by Michael that they highlight in this film). His perception of how life works is already messed up, but it’s how he responds to the sound guy and one of the producers of the film, Kyle, in the film at around 17 mins and 22 secs in…
The pick-up artist (not “Advanced”) that they’ve already introduced us to at that point “accuses” Kyle of having “feminist views”. Kyle responds by saying “yeah I agree that women are people”. And how does “Advanced” respond?
“No! See? That’s bullshit. And if you don’t realize that then you’ve been brainwashed.” (I think I should point out here that the person operating the camera and interviewing these men is a woman named Sara Gardephe. So yeah. She had to sit through that.)
Hey “Advanced”? Did you ever think that maybe that’s why you aren’t getting laid?
Earlier in the film he guessed that he’d been rejected about 3,000 times. And he did spot the common denominator: himself. But he thinks the problem is his face. So he wants to get plastic surgery to fix it… but he needs a job, first.
Actually… I think Michael’s right. Michael talks about how personality is important. They contrast that with “Advanced” who thinks looks are everything.
But personality is important. I thought looks were important as well, especially when I was younger and had to deal with being called “ugly” by a lot of people. But I was wrong. Personality is more important in most things. Sure, most people make a first judgement based on a visual impression, but that impression is as much about what you’re wearing and how you’re holding yourself. And at the end of the day, that impression has to be solidified, and it’s your personality that solidifies that impression.
Because seriously… if you’re response to “women are people” is “BULLSHIT!”, then no amount of plastic surgery can ever fix your situation.
And now I want to introduce you to another “incel”. I have to post a warning, though. The crap this guy posts… is beyond disturbing. So major trigger warning for rape, rape apologia, suicidal thoughts, murder, and more. Basically… just don’t click on this link and read this stuff unless you either have no triggers in these areas or are feeling particularly strong. And even if you meet one or both of those conditions, wading through it will likely use up all of your spoons anyways…
Luckily, the wordpress blog has been deleted. But people on Tumblr have responded to a lot of the crap posted at the blog. So here’s that link.
Again… I reiterate that huge, gigantic TRIGGER WARNING:
And I know… I know… there are a lot of “good incels”. I’m picking out the worst and painting with a broad brush.
And hey… that may be true! Maybe there are incels out there who are feminists! And it would legitimately not at all surprise me to find that there are incels out there who are women (in fact, I would be shocked if there weren’t, seeing as getting laid is either easy or hard for all humans, no matter what their gender identity is). And I’ll bet that there are incels who fall on the LGBTQ spectrum, too!
Because… you know… “not having sex” is not something limited to exclusively straight, white, cis-gendered, able-bodied men.
And yet I get the impression that only a specific subset of men actually take it seriously as a “condition” that needs to be “cured”. And really? That right there is the first obstacle to getting laid: pretending that being “incel” is this horrible condition that needs to be cured.
The next big one would be denying that women are people. Because I feel like not being thought of as people would be a huge turn-off to women.
Either we need to lose this whole “incel” thing, or we need to change it. As a technical term it’s fine, but with all this nasty-as-hell baggage associated with it it’s horrible.