I’m a pretty big fan of Laci Green. I’ve been watching her videos since she was ranting about religion back on gogreen18 (and I will admit it… I wish she’d do a few more of those because she was damn good at it :D), and her move to sex education has been just as awesome. Her model of sex education is the one I think our education system should use. It’s informative, comprehensive, honest, realistic, and even promotes the view that consent is sexy! Plus she’s really funny about it.
She talks about a lot of weird concepts relating to sexuality, but this particular one piqued my interest:
She brings up a very good point. This whole idea of virginity is weird.
As she points out, it’s quite patriarchal. I’d argue that it’s also religious. It’s funny, because human society as far back as we can find seems to be built on sexuality, and the male control of sexuality. And so we get “virginity”, that mythical “pre-sex time” in every person’s life.
This video caught my attention because the idea of virginity plagues me a bit. I’m still bogged down by one of those things that falls under the heading of “Patriarchy Hurts Men, Too”… specifically that men over a certain age who haven’t had sex are “broken”.
My lack of ability to talk to women in a one-on-one setting was one of the things bullies used against me. The fact that I was a virgin (if a particular bully didn’t know, they would semi-assume it and then nag me until I admitted it) was a favorite target of the bullies starting in 9th grade. Though it wasn’t so much that I was a virgin as it was that I would remain a virgin. And they were right…
MRAs and MGTOWs and Nice Guys™ like to use this word “incel”, which is short for “involuntarily celibate” (Google it… or Bing it, or use Yahoo, or whatever). And they play it up like it’s this horrible thing. And, sadly, the patriarchal culture tends to reinforce it as a bad thing.
It’s a weird dichotomy we’ve built up, because virginity, as Laci points out, was a concept created to control women’s sexuality. It was valuable to fathers, and women who “lost” their virginity (whatever that’s supposed to mean) before marriage were thought to have brought shame upon their families. Laci, in the video above, talks about the consequences of that.
But it had unintended, I think, consequences for men. Because with men, sexuality was seen in almost the exact opposite light. Men were rarely virgins on their wedding day. They were, instead, supposed to be experienced, so they could deftly navigate their naive brides around the “treacherous” waters of sex. So, of course, men who made it to marrying age without having had sex were seen as broken and unworthy. These were inexperienced losers! You couldn’t marry an innocent virgin off to an inexperienced loser!
And this is still a favorite tool for bullies to use against boys and men today, as well. Girls and women are shamed for having sex, while boys and men are shamed for not having sex.
So I agree with Laci Green. Perhaps “virginity” is a concept we need to lose. It’s misogynistic on so many levels, it’s not very helpful for men, either… it’s just plain useless all around. So why keep it as a concept?
Laci… could we get just one more pro-atheism video from you? Pretty please? With chocolate fudge on top?