I Don’t Like Beer


ETA:  I probably should have been clear about this and I apologize, but this is not an indictment of people who do like beer. I will rant about the popularity of things that I don’t get/like all the time (beer, MP3, Nickelback, Justin Bieber, Glee, the Twilight series, etc) and question how and why it’s popular. I ask that fans of these things don’t take my rants personally… I’m not interested in forcing you to not like it, and I generally don’t judge people about their tastes (with a few exceptions… like if you think Mein Kampf is a good read with good ideas, then yes, I will judge you… harshly… :P).

I’m just being petty and curious. I know taste is subjective. What that means is that I find a lot of things weird and strange, and can’t understand their popularity, and I have tastes that other people will undoubtedly find strange and confusing, too.

Like tartare. 😀

And I welcome questions and criticisms of my tastes happily and with open arms.

Beer.

It’s famous.

It is the drink of choice on college campuses around the world. It infects parties of all kinds. Microbreweries are pretty popular.

To say that you don’t like beer in this culture is equivalent to saying… well… that you don’t believe in God. You’re practically bucking societal norms… especially if you’re a guy. The fact that I don’t just not like beer, but hate it with a passion, has been used as a judge against me. “What kind of man doesn’t like beer? Seriously? Do I need to revoke your man card?” (Yes, that was actually once said to me, and it was less in jest than you might think).

The thing I can’t figure out is why. It can’t be the taste; in my pursuit of finding a beer I like, I’ve tried quite a few. And I’m not talking about American beers; I’ve tried beers with names that are unpronounceable, beers that sell for prices rivaling high-end bottles of cognac, and more. I’ve tried exotic beers, rare beers…

And they all. Taste. Exactly. The. Same.

Bitter.

That’s all beer is.

Bitter.

It’s the hops. That’s what I don’t like.

I’ve got no problems with barley, wheat, and so on. I love scotches, whiskeys, liqueurs, liquors, ciders, mixed drinks, and so on. I like alcohol that’s either smokey (scotch, like 15-year-old French Oak Reserve Glenlivet) or sweet (like Kahlua, which is an especially good mixer).

But hops… the less of them I come into contact with, the better. Hops are just nasty. The “flavor” (and I use the term loosely) they impart is nothing but bitter.

So it can’t be flavor.

Maybe it’s about getting drunk?

But even this doesn’t make much sense…

Sure, a bottle of 100 proof rum might be more expensive than a 12-pack of Budweiser (yech), but depending on your tolerance, it could take 3 to 12 cans to get you drunk, whereas one handle of 100-proof rum could get a small party quite wasted. Get a second bottle, and you could have black-outs on your hands. And there’s the added benefit of the rum simply tasting better. Rum isn’t bitter. It’s slightly sweet, very smoky, and spicy in a nice way.

Basically, it’s good shit.

Hell… moonshine will get you drunker quicker than beer will, and even that tastes better than beer (and no, I don’t like moonshine very much, either).

Beer… not so much.

Maybe somebody could explain the whole beer thing to me, because I just don’t get it.

Anyone?

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About Nathan Hevenstone

I hate straight, white, cis-gendered, able-bodied men. I also play guitar and sing, and I'm an atheist and anti-theist. What now?
This entry was posted in Alcohol, Food and tagged , , , , , , , , , . Bookmark the permalink.

8 Responses to I Don’t Like Beer

  1. Lee says:

    I like beer because it’s ridiculously cheap and often the only thing I can buy without having to go to a specialty shop with limited hours. (Here in NC, only the state run ABC Store can sell liquor.) Frankly, I’ve heard people complain that light beer tastes like water and is bland, and that’s the only kind I can stomach, so I suspect that I just really don’t like beer and drink it out of something bordering on necessity.

  2. Douglas E says:

    Came here from WEIT where JC takes a shot at you. And I really like craft brews! 🙂 However, feel free to not like beer – nobody’s probably forcing you to drink it – so just stand tall and order your rum.

  3. laisa says:

    Maye other people just like things that taste bitter. I mean, coffee is bitter too and people drink it…
    Or maybe it’s just about different people having different preferences (There’s nothing written on tastes, they say where I come from)

    • You’re right, of course. I don’t like much of anything that’s bitter. While I do drink coffee sometimes, it’s strictly for the caffeine, and then it’s LOADED with cream and sugar. I like a *sweet* coffee taste, like coffee candies or coffee liqueur or such, and sweet flavored coffee drinks… but coffee itself, black, I just can’t do.

      At the same time, however, coffee I get. Caffeine. People in the US, as far as I know, largely drink coffee for the caffeine, not the flavor. And one need look no further than Starbucks for proof of that.

      So coffee is understandable to me.

      Beer doesn’t even have that going for it, as it’s not the most alcoholic hard drink out there.

  4. Almulhida says:

    Well, non-alcoholic beer wouldn’t exist if nobody liked the taste, heh.

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