“American Football”: The United State’s Other Religion

I’ve never been a big sports fan. When Baseball season comes around, I watch for the Atlanta Braves, but that’s it. It’s not that I hate sports. I don’t. They just aren’t necessarily my thing. I’m a musician. I like music. I like reading. Science intrigues me, especially Astronomy and Cosmology, and also Anthropology, of which I am now officially a student.

In this case, however, I simply can’t take the Anthropological view of “Cultural Relativism”. I believe that some Ethnocentricism is needed, here. Of course, it seems odd, because I’m turning ethnocentricism on my own cultural, which, of course, is contradictory.

If you’ve read the title, then you know what I’m talking about. Fucking American Football. Gridiron is the actual name. Why we call it Football I’ll never know. Soccer is actually Football, and this is because, in Soccer, the feet are actually used. In fact, you have to use them. If you touch the ball while in play, it’s a penalty. American Football, on the other hand, is almost the opposite.

But this rant is not about how American Football is played. It’s how American Football is worhsipped in the United States. I find it disgusting. Absolutely, utterly disgusting.

Why, you ask?

Simple: because our Football players can do no wrong. They can rape cheerleaders (who are then forced to cheer for their attacker because he’s more important than her), rape little boys, force dogs to fight each other, commit murder… but as long as they can play the game really well, then who gives a fuck (you know… besides the victims… but who cares about them)?

And if anything proves my point, it’s the recent events over a Penn State.

Most of you already know what’s going, but if you don’t… do you live under a rock or something?!? Here’s a timeline of events. The short summary is this: Penn State assistant Football coach Jerry Sandusky has basically been raping little boys since around 1994. Joe Paterno, the head Football coach at Penn State, knew about it. He did tell his supervisor, but that’s about it. It’s basically been covered up and details were not revealed until now. NOW!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! 17 FUCKING YEARS LATER!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

And Joe Paterno was recently fired for not doing his moral duties and making sure this sick fuck Sandusky went to prison back in 1994. And how did Penn State’s students react?

They fucking rioted in support of Joe Paterno.

I have no words for how sick this makes me. I cannot tell you how badly I literally wanted to drop a nuclear bomb on those assholes when I first heard of this. Granted, I tend to have short-term, emotional knee-jerk reactions to shit like this when I first hear about them. Then the rational mind takes over… usually… it hasn’t done so this time, yet. I hate those students and that college so much right now… so… yeah… I kind of still want to drop a nuclear bomb on them. But I’d settled for not letting Penn State have anything to do with Football… ever again.

And yes, I contribute it to the cult of American Football, especially College Football. Because it is a cult. When US-Americans aren’t busy Tebowing in church over some 2000-year-old Jewish zombie who might not have even existed, they are sitting in front of the TV with beer, getting stupid over a bunch of guys running into each other like fucking idiots trying really hard to get a ball to touch the grass. This is the US’s other form of worship, and I’m sick and fucking tired of it. American Football players can get away with murder, so long as they are good at playing American Football. Of course, once they start to get tired, that’s when it all comes out and they go to jail… when they hit a fucking slump.

I want to leave you with two videos. The first is written by Tim Minchin. It’s actually about the Pope and the scandals involving priests raping little boys and the cover-ups, but all you have to do to make this relevant is change “Pope” to “Joepa”. Leave every other lyric the same:

And finally, here’s a link to what Jon Stewart had to say to these fucking idiot students:

The Daily Show with Jon Stewart – Penn State Riots

Fuck Penn State, fuck Jerry Sandusky, fuck Joe Paterno, and fuck American Football.


About Nathan Hevenstone

I hate straight, white, cis-gendered, able-bodied men. I also play guitar and sing, and I'm an atheist and anti-theist. What now?
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One Response to “American Football”: The United State’s Other Religion

  1. kcdad says:

    It isn’t just football… it is the entire cult of sports… from JFL and Little League to the Pros and Olympics…

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